Thursday, May 29, 2008

Woo-hoo!!

I'm 33 and have been sung to numerous times today (many, many thanks!) -- I felt very loved :>) Dinner out with the kids and Joel, I got both "Sister Act" movies, and tons of snuggles. . . Including Elijah's sweet X's and O's on my card and Faith getting jealous and having to add her own X's and O's. LOVE them all! I hope and pray it's a good year :>)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

How old AM I?!?

One more share today: This week is my birthday and last week (during that special time with the boys) they asked me how old I would be -- I immediately thought, "I'm 34 now and so I'll be. . . wait, I'm not going to be 35. . . 2008-1975 = 33! I'm 32?!?" Over the past couple of months I have actually TOLD people that I'm 34! Yes, I'm a mere 32 years old and I have already forgotten my age. How sad is that?

When I told Mom & Dad this revelation they laughed and told me a story about how when I was 4-years-old I told everyone I was 6 and insisted that I was actually 6 years old :>)

Guess some things never change. . . At least I'm consistent! ;>)

P.S. Blog gaps

Ahh well, my intention is to blog daily (another item on my "To do" list?) and right after I'd committed to that last week -- we were gone until 11 PM! Isn't that the way life goes? Then, "Oh, I'll wait to blog until I can add that picture I just took on the camera". . . . "The camera batteries are dead. . . Hmm. . . I'll blog once I get batteries". . . "Where the heck are those batteries I just bought?!?". . . "Ahh well, it's been a week, I've already gone past that whole daily blog intention". . . "Flippin! Sit down and blog -- Joel's snoring in the chair next to me, the kids are going to bed, and it's a blessedly quiet 8:30 PM. Praise God!" . . . Hence today's blog got finished :>)

[I can still hear the kids. . . not yet asleep. . . they HAD a 8:00 bedtime. . . Oh well!]

:>)

DVR's bring on a whole new problem. . .

Am I the only "victim" of the new technology known as the DVR? Admittedly, I LOVE that I don't have to feel the loss of missing the next saga in my favorite TV shows (lately it's Grey's Anatomy, Medium, Bones, and House). . . now I have a whole new issue: Where do I find the time to "catch up" and sit down to watch these shows? I guess they make the assumption that I'm only occasionally busy ;>) but as a working mother with three kids and the activities that go along with that -- where's my free time?

I recently bought a plaque at Hallmark (70% off bargain! woo-hoo!) that says "What is this leisure time of which you speak?" Admittedly, these days I've begun feeling absolutely attention deficit or like a chicken with my head cut off. I'm guessing that part of it is the back to back meetings at work and the spring cleaning I'm doing on my weekends; but more likely, it's the ever growing, overwhelming "To Do" list (both at work and home). How do we find the time? I'm interested in too many things (Praise God!) with a to-do list that includes:

- paint our bedroom
- paint the downstairs (there's currently three different test colors on the living room wall ;>) )
- finish the laundry (is it ever really done?)
- remember to make Faith lunch for tomorrow's class field trip to the nursery
- get a wedding present for Saturday's wedding
- sign the boys up for pop warner football (need to be registered by the end of May)
- do I want long term life insurance? If so, I need to register by Friday
- CHANGE the SHEETS on our BED!!!!! (ewww. . . it's been too long!)
- Put away more laundry
- Don't think about work. . . . (dang it! I just did!)
- etc
- etc
- etc

Know what I mean? Then, there's the healthy stuff I need to do, like get in for that x-ray the chiropractor requested, and set up my next chiropractic appointment (dang it!). . . Oh, and eat healthy, drink more water, exercise, get Faith & the boys new bikes (theirs are outgrown) so we can bike ride. . . Oh and the dogs need their shots. . . AUGH!!! Too much!

Friends and family tell me to slow down. I don't know if I know how to do that. . . But I work on it. A couple of nights a week I will sit for about 2 hours and watch the latest series the kids and I are watching together (right now we're on Smallville season 5 and I'm watching "Band of Brothers" with Joel). . . the hardest part for me is to be really present in the moment. I can typically sit for a couple of minutes and enjoy, but, like a chat at work -- once I've exceeded my own internal alarm clock -- i start to get ansy and I can't help but think of my looming to do list.

I LOVE my kids and want to cherish these moments. . . I know the kids grow up fast and today is only here for today. How do I be more present? Last Friday was special for me -- Joel was off to his motorcycle group and the kids and I cleaned out the living room of furniture and started washing down the walls (to prep for painting. . . alas, we're moving the front door and the paint job got put on hold -- but I'll tell you about that on another day); during this time, the boys started asking me questions and joking: You know, those conversations that you can have when you're all in the same room together hanging out and there's no TV or music. We talked about when Joel & I met and when we were dating (even pulling out the prom pictures -- since the boys were curious about prom after watching the Smallville episode). We talked about birth control and vasectomies (how we ended up talking casually about that I'll never know) -- very humorous conversation with comments about getting a shot in the "balls" (very funny to 10 and 12 year old boys who just cringe at the thought!). And, we talked about when they were little and what I remember about being pregnant with them -- with Isaac, Elijah, and Faith each asking me to tell them something special about them. You know, those things that a mom remembers :>) Isaac (12) wanted to keep talking but the conversation eventually ended at the prompting of Elijah and Faith who wanted to watch movies. We then laid blankets and pillows on our now empty living room floor and popped a DVD in to watch (several more episodes of Smallville) and they fought over who got to lay next to me. THESE are the special moments that I want to treasure. I want more of them. . .

So, again, where on earth does a DVR fit into my life? ;>)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

P.S.

I will occassionally try to post some picts of my scrapbook pages since that's a hobby of mine and it's my creative outlet that's the sharp contrast to my SQL (SAS, etc.) programming logic. Ahh, I am a true Gemini :>)


What I want to get out of blogging

Okay, I've sorely neglected this post -- perhaps it's because now that my trips are over, I am questioning the purpose, content, and audience of this blog. I realize that my internal workings and thoughts are all mumble-jumble in my head and so writing would be a good way to work them out. Perhaps I need to write for me. And, having tracked occupational fatalities for 6 years, I have this morbid sense of urgency that pushes me to want to document my life and thoughts for my children "in case something happens."

So. . .

Audience? Myself, my children, and anyone else who is interested in listening and learning. (Yes, I realize that employers can google me and find this page and it could make an impression on them; alas, I am willing to "risk it" ;>) )

Purpose? To work out my thoughts, to encourage my writing, and, most importantly, for my kids to know me better.

Goals? To try to write daily . . . Even if it's just a sentence saying "I'm tired." I give myself permission to be brief AND I give myself permission to write that novel length blog that my friends tease me about (all my life I've been told that I could write a book because I write a ton). I will try not to hold back just because social norms suggest that I should keep it brief.

Goal? To be truthful. . . not necessarily an insightful political speaker or someone with the parenting advice for the nation or some clever humorist. My goal is to be true to myself. I struggle with my "public persona" of happiness and positive attitude. . . I'm not naive, I've had my difficulties, I've been suicidal AND I've learned that I need to choose to look on the bright-side and try to be positive -- to avoid the trap of negative thinking. Hmmm. . . But, truth-be-told, my sometimes-struggle to be positive gets me identifying with that Smokey Robinson song "Tears of Clown." I know that to show my truest self with all my flaws and thoughts means to be vulnerable and to trust others not to use them against me. . . . Helluva deal. So, I will try to write it all.

For anyone out there reading this, I encourage postings and comments -- I'd love to know if it's just me in this wacky world or if others can identify. Anyhoo. . . It's past 10 PM and another rule I have for myself is to be laying quietly and settling down for bed by 10 PM on a work night ;>)

And so. . . goodnight.