Happy Father's Day!!

It's waaayyyy past my bedtime, but I thought I'd take a few minutes to wish all of you out there a Happy Father's Day! And, Happy Father's day to my husband, Joel :-)


Today Joel slept in and, per his request, was served breakfast in bed: Biscuits, gravy, and coffee. . . LOTS of hugs and kisses from the kids.

Faith is a total Daddy's girl!

Then, after several loads of dishes and laundry, we headed out to go shopping for a bike helmet for Isaac (his has been trashed), running shoes for Joel, and to see about finding a tent for this summer's camping. . . . Alas, we had no luck with the shoes or tent, but we DID find new bikes for the kids! They were very excited!! Especially the boys who have had the same bikes for more than 5 years (they've grown a lot in the past 5 years!). Isaac and Elijah are now sporting full-grown, 26" tire, MEN's bikes! [sigh, my babies are growing too fast!]


And Faithy is moving past toddler bikes and into the 20" tire kids' bike categories. . . She's especially proud of her cute blue Bratz bike. Now we just need to get her set up with some good training wheels and she'll be set!


Sadly, it's time to say good-bye to old friends. . .

Thanks for the memories!

Anyhow, we've all ended our day just chilling out: The boys playing video games, me installing the latest update for my phone, Faith watching a Garfield movie, and Joel ending his Father's Day with a favorite pastime. Again, to all of you out there: Happy Father's Day!

Faith and Religion

Joel and I just went to see the new DaVinci Code movie "Angels and Demons" (really good!) and afterwards we started talking about faith and religion. . .

Me? I was baptized in the Roman Catholic Church when I was a wee babe. I like to label myself "catholic" (small c). Note, according to www.dictionary.com:

cath⋅o⋅lic

 /ˈkæθəlɪk, ˈkæθlɪk/ Show Spelled [kath-uh-lik, kath-lik]
–adjective

1.broad or wide-ranging in tastes, interests, or the like; having sympathies with all; broad-minded; liberal.

2.universal in extent; involving all; of interest to all.

3.pertaining to the whole Christian body or church.

versus

Cath⋅o⋅lic

/ˈkæθəlɪk, ˈkæθlɪk/ Show Spelled [kath-uh-lik, kath-lik]

–adjective

1.of or pertaining to a Catholic church, esp. the Roman Catholic Church.

2.Theology.

a.(among Roman Catholics) claiming to possess exclusively the notes or characteristics of the one, only, true, and universal church having unity, visibility, indefectibility, apostolic succession, universality, and sanctity: used in this sense, with these qualifications, only by the Church of Rome, as applicable only to itself and its adherents and to their faith and organization; often qualified, especially by those not acknowledging these claims, by prefixing the word Roman.

b.(among Anglo-Catholics) noting or pertaining to the conception of the church as the body representing the ancient undivided Christian witness, comprising all the orthodox churches that have kept the apostolic succession of bishops, and including the Anglican Church, the Roman Catholic Church, the Eastern Orthodox Church, Church of Sweden, the Old Catholic Church (in the Netherlands and elsewhere), etc.

3.pertaining to the Western Church.

See what I mean? I like to believe that most churches are united in some way or another and that, perhaps, we have many more commonalities than differences. Are God and Allah and Yahweh all the same?

I believe in the creed of the Catholic Church:

We believe in one God,

the Father, the Almighty

maker of heaven and earth,

of all that is seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,

the only Son of God,

eternally begotten of the Father,

God from God, Light from Light,

true God from true God,

begotten, not made,

one in Being with the Father.

Through him all things were made.

For us men and for our salvation

he came down from heaven

by the power of the Holy Spirit

he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;

he suffered, died, and was buried.

On the third day he rose again

in fulfillment of the Scriptures;

he ascended into heaven

and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,

and his kingdom will have no end.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of Life,

who proceeds from the Father and the Son.

With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified.

He has spoken through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.

We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.

We look for the resurrection of the dead,

and the life of the world to come. Amen

Taking it apart:
We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, of all that is seen and unseen. True, I believe there is one God -- different names. For me, I like to see God as a warm and caring father. I believe that God is more. . . and that to best relate, we can put "Him" in a role. For me, Father is appropriate. The ultimate caring father who wants what's best for all of us and who has wisdom and compassion. He can be protective as needed, but he's ultimately the father of all. Creator of all . . . And when I say "all" I mean everything. He gave us the miracle of life and the ability to form babies and unite. Pretty cool.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, eternally begotten of the Father, God from God, Light from Light, true God from true God, begotten, not made, one in Being with the Father. True. It's hard for me to fathom and explain. I believe that Jesus was God's son and was also God placed within Mary as a virgin birth; he is one with God -- like a shared awareness, a shared love . . . It's hard for me to fully comprehend but I'm okay with that. My gut says it's true.

Through him all things were made. [Wow!] For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven, by the power of the Holy Spirit he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man. For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate; he suffered, died, and was buried. On the third day he rose again in fulfillment of the Scriptures; he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father. He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead, and his kingdom will have no end. I believe that Jesus was given to us as a gift: For God to live among us so we can see how much he treasures us and so God can speak through His own voice and not through a prophet. The Holy Spirit - the invisible movement of God - filled Mary (who was NOT already pregnant and who was of a strong faith) and choose to become a man -- to become one of us -- because he loves us. And, because he loves us, he sacrificed himself for us and was crucified -- so that we may believe and see the miracle. I believe that God's kingdom will have no end. I believe that ultimately good triumphs over evil.

We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of Life, who proceeds from the Father and the Son. With the Father and the Son he is worshiped and glorified. He has spoken through the Prophets. I believe that God moves as a Spirit. I believe when I feel that tingling on the back of my neck that it is the Holy Spirit's presence that I'm feeling. I believe that the Holy Spirit is ever present and that the Holy Spirit speaks through the Prophets.

We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. Yes, I believe that there is one universal church and that we strive to be apostle-like.

We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins. All baptisms count . . . All who choose to invite God into their lives and have faith are a part of my family. . . They don't have to be baptized in the Roman Catholic Church to be considered faithful.

We look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come. It seems like there's something about joyful hope too. . . Yes, we believe that there is a afterlife and that death isn't something to be feared but, rather, we should trust that God has more planned for us. This isn't something to dread, but rather a "joyful hope."

I think that's cool. "Amen!" I agree! I believe! Here, here!

I like to imagine the early church gatherings: Apostles spreading the word about Christ. . . Sharing his works in stories in small gathering rooms where they may have met in secret or met with those wanting to know more. Offering prayers and blessings. Reading stories from the Old Testament, the Torah then praising God with David's psalms (words of encouragement or reflection), then telling stories of what they've seen and experienced. . . Saving the best for last: Stories of Jesus' life here on earth. Then teaching the crowd and discussing how Jesus fulfilled the predictions and phophesies of the Old testament. All the while, the Holy Spirit moving within people -- opening minds and changing hearts. Wow!

From there they would begin the sacred ceremony of breaking bread with them as Jesus broke bread, reciting Jesus' words, "Do this in memory of me." I imagine the people standing in a crowded room trying to see what was going on. I imagine the people sitting to listen to the stories of the Torah they may have heard before and to listen to the apostles speak. I imagine them falling to their knees as they recognized the reverence of the moment. When I go to mass, this is what I think about. So many people just seem to recite the prayers by rote, but truly, it should be special.

I also like to think that the Catholic church tries to unite us all: Agreeing and printing books that list what stories we will hear and what prayers we will say -- lifting a voice in unison of praise to God. Uniting us as brothers and sisters (I can call a cousin in another state and ask, "What did you think of the story of the woman at the well?" discussed at today's mass). And still, we have our apostles trying to share their own faith and praying that God gives them the words to apply the teachings to our lives and to encourage our faith. I try to pray that I'm open to God's word and the Holy Spirit. Some days are better than others.

My frustration with the "religion" tends to be more in terms of the politics of it all. I don't like that the Catholic church tends to seem judgemental -- dictating what books and movies are appropriate to see. That's frustrating. I don't like when I've seen people use "faith" as a reason to condemn others (e.g. "I can't go to my son's wedding because he's not getting married in a church"). I dislike how many people seem to just go to mass out of a sense of obligation and not because they want to praise God. I don't like that I've met priests that haven't seemed very holy and that they spoil it for the many wonderful priests I know.

For me, I want to be catholic in all the idealistic ways: Believing in the wonder of the mass and reliving the awe-filled moments of those early Christians. I want to believe that I have much in common with my Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, and other Christian friends (Mormons, Lutherans, Pentacostals, Baptists). I believe that God is a part of my life and that the tingle on the back of my neck is the Holy Spirit (it's that same sense that gives me the nagging urge to call my mom just in time to find out that someone close to us is dying). I want to sing "Alleluia" and feel it to my toes. . .

And, I have days. . . Days of wanting to sleep in on Sunday. . . Days of dreading dragging my kids and husband to mass. . . Days of sitting through mass and not recalling a single reading or anything that was said. . . . There are days. My goal is to have less of those than the good days.

So. . . Faith & religion? At the end of the DaVinci code one of the actors had a very inspiring line, and for the life of me, I can't recall all of it. But, I remember that the point was that we have faith; religion is imperfect because man ("mankind") is imperfect. . . but faith remains.

Happy Easter. . . And everything else

So, what have I been up to? Trouble. . . No good. . . Fun!

Okay, so I went out with one of my favorite girlfriends tonight for some fun and to celebrate her birthday -- that tends to put me in a good mood (Happy Birthday Kim!!). As for the rest of it: I was gone to Bellingham all last week to meet with a consultant from Microsoft (Steve Pontello). Steve was AWESOME and I learned a ton. . . Enough that by Easter Sunday I was exhausted, could no longer formulate thoughts, and was feeling quasi-anti-social. Monday I couldn't think enough to remember my name, Tuesday I felt a bit Attention-Deficit, and yesterday I was able to complete simple tasks. Today I'm back to functioning semi-normal. I can tell you that I arrived in our conference room about 7:15 each day, we started the discussion at 8 AM, took a hour lunch, and worked until 5 PM (with a debrief until nearly 5:30 each night). Throw in the 6 hours to drive there on Monday and the 7 hour drive home Friday, with meetings on Monday and meeting with Steve until after noon on Friday and it was a VERY full week. Awesome, but also busy. Ryan (my cohort) and I agree that the meeting with Steve probably set us ahead in our work about 2 years. Seriously awesome.

Then, Easter weekend was spent at Mom & Dad's in Stayton watching movies with the kids on Saturday night and then getting waaayyy too little sleep! Sunday morning Faith snuck into our room about 7 AM and said "Happy Easter! Wake up, wake up, wake up!!!" Very cute. . . Way too early! We had a fun time, went to mass, hunted for Easter eggs, and had a good dinner with family. Me? I dozed on the couch during the conversations (did I mention that the week had taken a lot out of me?). We headed home early in the evening and spent the evening watching some shows recorded on the DVR.

As for today, I took a deep breath and opted to have courage in talking with my manager about my frustrations at work. I'd written a letter to God beforehand so that I could try to formulate my thoughts and reflect on why I was frustrated (I also prayed that the meeting would go well). Fortunately Darian was very receptive and a good listener. Essentially, I've been feeling like I'm driving in 3rd gear on the interstate; extremely frustrated. In trying to narrow identify why, I explained that I'm a production/hands-on kind of person. . . We're developing new architecture for our OLAP cubes and I'm needing to get into it. Over the past several months we've been slowly working our way into it and we've had MANY conversations about what might work best and trying to make good design decisions and we've made a couple of cubes. I'm now ready to dive in!

I've got a long "To Do" list at work but it's primarily "mini-tasks" with things like documentation, effort tracking, typing up notes, etc. But I'm craving more "build" work. I'm a multi-tasker by nature and I like to have different types of things to work on to make the most of my energy level and mental-prowess at any given point in time ;-).

I also explained that I'm a Gemini and a bit of a split personality: I recognize that I have a social side to me that can be very abstract random, take in all sorts of stimulus (non-verbal cues, tone of voice) and process what we're discussing. It's the skills that I use to find compromise in meetings and the ability to participate in long training sessions. However, there's also a very linear, structured side to me: This is how I behave when writing and structuring my thoughts. . . This is also how I operate when programming and doing architecture work -- very logical. I told Darian that it can be difficult to transition between the two skill sets. Admittedly, last week during the training with the consultant, I would do fine listening, processing, and taking notes. Then when it was my turn to present and do the hands-on programming work, I'd stumble for a few minutes, ask for a second to collect my thoughts, and then would slip on my programming hat. . . Today Darian seemed to appreciate the explanation for my behaviors.

Also, I don't like to talk on the phone much . . . This has been a interesting challenge when my OLAP partner works in Bellingham and my manager is in Bellingham. How best to communicate? Here's today's action items:

- I told Darian that I need to establish timelines for myself; it gives me something to aim for while realizing that the timelines may need to be adjusted due to illness or a sudden high-priority request. The important piece here is that I need to set the timelines for myself but have Darian aware of them. . .
- I also told Darian that I'll do best if I can send him a email at the end of the week with a list of what I've accomplished throughout the week and what I plan to work on during the following week. . . This is more for me to reflect on my work in a logical/linear way and to gather my tasks for the upcoming week (especially since it's so difficult to remember where I left off come Monday morning). He's good with that.
- I also asked for an additional/lower priority cube to work on. . . Something to balance the high priority work, the 30 minutes-to-an-hour tasks, and everything else. It gives me something to do while my mind subconsciously trouble-shoots problems I may be having with the high-priority work.
- And, I told him that, knowing that I have to consciously transition between social and logical/linear, I try to schedule all my meetings close together and then schedule chunks of time to do my programming work. This is how I work best. This includes needing a telework day occasionally so that I can get through big chunks of work at a time so that I feel caught up.

. . . So, it's been a few weeks of self-discovery and trying to get back on track.

As for the rest of it: I'm not checking my personal email and computer nearly often enough -- my doctor recommended that I avoid my computer in the evenings because it makes it more difficult for me to fall asleep at night. I'm trying to hold myself to it. . . but tonight I felt the need to process my thoughts was more important than needing to avoid my computer. :-)

And, as always, I'm trying to balance it all: Work, Friends, Family, . . . Date time with Joel, TV (and discussion) time with the boys, Being Mommy for Faith, Trying to pick up (and spring clean) the house, and . . . trying to take time for myself. . . . Oh, and God fits in there too. . . And exercise. . . And. . . Well, you know how it goes. . .

Best wishes to you all and I pray that you're all weathering the turbulence of our times as well as can be expected. God bless!

One of my favorites. . .

Check this out: Armed Forces/Memorial Day Tribute 2007 (Casting Crown's "Praise You in this Storm"). . . This is so true of so much of my life. Especially relevant right now as we face a lot of uncertainty, a scary economy, and unemployment. . . I'll choose to praise God even in these stormy times. This video, also, reminds us to pray for those soldiers (and their families) who do so very much for us.

God bless!

Depression

Let's face it: Life sucks these days. I'm getting numerous emails in my inbox all providing warning signs of depression . . . webmd, health.com, prevention. . . they're all doing it. I suppose that with the highest unemployment rate since the Great Depression and forecasts that things may get worse -- we're all subject to depression. And, I think that the general morale contributes to it. . . I mean, when you're fighting depression you're supposed to avoid negative people; people that bring you down. But truly, right now we're all commiserating with one another and wallowing in the misery. In my small town of Junction City the primary employer (Country Coach) filed for bankruptcy and has been shut down for a couple of months. The news channels feature teasers that if a judge rules in their favor they may be able to reopen (and re-hire the town's people). But the emotional yo-yo and anxiety of people waiting to hear is apparent even in the grocery store.

We're no longer greeted by smiling faces when we walk around town. There aren't a community of support people giving you a pep talk and telling you things will get better. Instead, we're told, "Hey, at least you've got a job." Depression seems inevitable. But we try to hang in there and have faith. . .

Alas, I'm losing my steam. . . The point of this little blog was to point out that, yes, the economy and employment statistics are depressing, and yes, we need to be aware of the warning signs. But, really, where can we find the "pep talk" we so desperately need?

Confession: I don't read much. . .

I don't read much primarily because when I start a book I can't put it down until I've finished it. . . I'm a read-it-cover-to-cover kinda girl. And, admittedly, most of the time my favorite book is whatever book I happen to be reading at the time. I'm currently reading the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer.



I'd never heard of the Twilight series prior to hooking up with old friends via www.facebook.com . I read high-school classmates' postings that Twilight was their all time favorite AND there were pictures of them with Twilight t-shirts! Argueably, I don't know if they are solely fans of the book or movie, but I was curious-enough to use our Barnes & Noble giftcard to pickup the first book, "Twilight."

I read The Shack first (also bought during that trip to Barnes & Noble) and it immediately became a favorite -- I read it cover to cover in one day (Sunday two weeks ago). Alas, Twilight sat unread for about a week; but, our family has recently started to try to have a allotted reading time each Sunday afternoon after mass (week 1 was The Shack). The boys enjoyed the time so much (reading their new books: Halo series books and Bones books) that Elijah asked if we could do this every week.


Anyhoo, last Sunday I picked up my first Twilight book and read 150+ pages the first night. Easy read and I was interested. I love the first person narrative! I finished the book by Tuesday and picked up the 2nd book Wednesday night this week. Thursday Joel & I went and saw the Twilight movie at the dollar theater :-). I'm picky: The book is always better. Finished the 2nd book and bought the 3rd book today. Thankfully there are only 4 books in the series (whew!). I've already bought the 4th book just to have it handy for Sunday's reading session ;-).

The point of this blog, however, is to confess that this is precisely the reason why I avoid reading: I'm finding that I tend to neglect my children and my housework because I feel distracted as my mind is essentially "paused" at where I left off in the book. It's a sad addiction really.

Also, I'd like to point out the Gemini in me. . . I feel a bit flaky in the fact that I find love (of a book) so easily. I am loyal in that certain books hold a special fondness for their sentimental value: I enjoyed reading the Jungle Book (and other poetry by Kipling). When reading Maugham's Of Human Bondage and Dicken's Great Expectations -- Dickens was a clear winner! (Would I like Dickens if I didn't have the sharp contrast I wonder?) I have a special fondness for Animal Farm because I admired the author's ability to express his philosophy through the metaphor of Animal Farm.

And, while these books were surely educational and good "literature" (nose up and all) -- I also love the easy reads like Nora Roberts and Mary Higgins Clarke, and, God love me, the occassional Harlequin Romance (gasp!). I get a thrill and love the great wording of a Dean Koontz book (he, too, has a great job expressing his philosophy in his writing). And, I smile when I hear Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven" because it reminds me of my brother's memorizing it (and reciting it at the dinner table) when they were in high school; then me pestering Joe Duman (poor guy sat next to me in English) as I recited "the Raven" from memory based on listening to my brothers.

Then there are the stories that I hold fond: Green Eggs and Ham, and Elijah's favorite, Oh the Places You'll Go. The boys frequently requested that I re-read these books over and over when they were little. I can still see the twinkle in Elijah's eyes and the joy when I agreed to read him these books "one more time." I miss those days cuddling together for story time. I'm trying to make new memories with Faith.


So, in an effort to purge my soul (and perhaps identify with others reading my blog): I'm a fickle soul who loves a good book and will avoid it as much as possible. Now please excuse me as I start Eclipse (book 3 of the Twilight series) ;-).

Family Update

Here's what I sent to my family (we do round-robin email updates on how we're all doing) but I thought I'd share with you too:

It's Saturday and we're trying to get chores done: Joel's at the vet with Oliver for him to get his shots and I'll be taking Faith to a class birthday party later this afternoon. Faith's been battling a cold and I've had a touch of the flu bug this week and so we're trying to play "catch-up" while also trying not to push too hard. Know what I mean?

For our household: Elijah is in wrestling and tends to get frustrated -- he's lost all his matches but Joel reminds him that he had lost all his matches his first year too and then went to State the next year. However, it's nice to see Elijah making improvements at each match :>) Joel's tried to make it to a few of his practices to help out and I think it's nice for them to spend that special time together. Still, we have two hormonal teenage boys with Elijah making comments on TV shows about wanting to see cleavage (lovely.) and Isaac trying not to blush by Elijah's comments. It's an experience and we're just at the beginning! They're both getting acne, they've got pit hair, and we've all got some mood swings. . . . But, we also have our special moments where the boys and I have just sat together and talked about what's going on -- you know, those impromptu conversations :>) And, when I had a really bad headache with the flu bug this week, Isaac brought me up some dinner & juice to bed and then cuddled with me to watch movies. That was special too. :>)

Faith, on the flip side, continues to grow and try to assert her independence. She's a handful as she challenges us, gets in trouble then cries, and flips between wanting to cuddle and wanting her space. I try to remind myself that this is normal for a 6 year-old who is on the verge of being a "kid" and still not quite there yet. This week's delight was seeing her lose one of her top middle teeth and so now she's got that really cute, toothless smile :>) (We noted that you could see the tooth underneath coming in already and so it was definitely time to lose that one!!) Today's fun is that she got a "My-nebo" (or something like that) for a late Christmas present and she played it non-stop (a video-game type toy) and when she's cared for the pet on the game long enough the top of the toy flips open and delivers a little stuffed animal-type thing. She was very excited :>)

Needless to say, with all the horomones in the house we're trying to buy organic food whenever possible. This includes us trying to switch our dogs to more of a "raw" diet: I have a friend who is a dog trainer and she recommended the diet for our dogs because she says that people don't realize that sometimes their dog's food can contribute to behavior (think Elijah on caffeine and sugar). So, we're trying out cooking for the dogs: stew meat, spinach, apples, oatmeal, etc. all mushed together. Last night was day 1 (we'll see how long this lasts) and the dogs LOVED it!

As for Joel & I: We continue to work on our relationship and are trying to incorporate more date nights and time together (grocery shopping?). For me, work is really busy: I successfully built my first SQL Server Analysis Services 2005 and Integration Services 2005 packages to make those "OLAP cube" interfaces for people to drill around in our data (similar to a webpage). . . This is part of a big initiative for the Executive team where they want more dashboard (glance at our corporate data) to see how we're doing. It's a high-pressure project with two OLAP developers and three dashboard developers all trying to learn brand-new software we've never used to get about 30 measures out by March 15th. It's chaotic and crazy because there aren't any "teachers" to help us out and answer questions so it's been a lot of self-taught learning. I guess the good part about it is that we build a real sense of comraderie on this team AND there is a real sense of accomplishment when we get something built. Hence the "Woo-hoo!" about building my first cube; it's also the first one completed for the project. Yesterday I started my second. . . Crazy! Just think of me whenever you hear about the major reform for the health industry being about making "smarter decisions" -- interpretation? Work for me!

Joel, on the flip side, got more stressful news: HP just announced that they'll be going through a second round of layoffs in the second quarter. Joel's wanting to volunteer since the atmosphere at HP has really been bad and there hasn't been much work going on for the past couple of months as the company tries to assess what projects to continue and which to toss. Joel's thinking that this may be his opportunity to go back to school to pursue being a high-school science teacher . . . Agreed that this would be a better fit for his personality, we're both stressed about the financial changes, AND change is change -- it's difficult.

Anyhow, that's a pretty long update -- you know me and writing ;>) Hugs to everyone. . . . life keeps steam-rolling along!

Simple Truths of Service Video

Here's another video that had been sent to me (via work) that got me teary. Enjoy!

http://www.stservicemovie.com/

Why Don't We Do It In Our Sleeves

Some of you may have already seen this but it still cracks me up AND it's an important message. Check out the video here: http://www.coughsafe.com/media.html.

Here's a book I need to get. . .

My cousin, Amy, sent me this link and, watching it, I was reminded of my Mom (LOVE her!). Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_4qwVLqt9Q

Apparently it's taken from the book "The Middle" by Kelly Corrigan. . . I think I need to get this book :)

Mom Song

Very cute: http://www.raisingsmallsouls.com/mom-song/

HELP REQUESTED: Seriously sick & tired of my flippin irregular heartbeat!

Be forewarned: I'm grumpy! I just got back from grocery shopping with Faith and while out I experienced another "episode." I mean, seriously! Is there no peace?

What's it like? You know how it feels when you hit your funny bone and it's that sharp pain . . . Imagine that sharp pain moving up from your elbow into your heart and growing in intensity as it approaches the heart. My heart feels sharp, cramping, heavy pain that grows in intensity and then gradually subsides. The event typically lasts a total of 5 minutes or so and then I'm left with that dull ache like after you've had an intense muscle cramp. . . . And I'm grumpy.

April/May 2007 I wore an "event" monitor for a month and they diagnosed me with an irregular heart beat: Supraventricular tachychardia and something else (I have it written down somewhere). Basically my heart rate fluctuates between 80 and 130 bpm and also skips beats. . . My interpretation? My heart is wiggin' out. The doctors said that it seems to be a normal irregular heart beat but that we should keep an eye on it; no action required for now.

However, I can tell you that, when I'm experiencing that sharp pain and am debating about going to the emergency room and waiting to see if the sensation moves below my elbow, those five minutes feel like forever!!

Good news? It appears to cycle: I have these "events" periodically over about 2 months (with them growing in intensity and then lessening over the two months) and then they go away for several months. That's the good news: If I can bear it then this too shall pass.

So, my request? Does anyone else know anything about this? Suggestions?

Thanks!

Drum Roll Please. . .

So, as I've been working on my desk space, Faith's room, and organizing the downstairs (building bookshelves, buying baskets, etc.) the boys have commented on "when are you going to fix up OUR room?!?" I'd roll my eyes and continue on with my projects. Little did they know that I've been scheming to fix up their room for a long time now. . . . Months and months (possibly even years).

Some of you may know that I chose to do this as a surprise for the boys' Christmas present, but I also roped them in for labor. . . They'd been asking to paint their bedroom since I painted my bedroom this summer -- they wanted some bright colors. Well, over the Christmas break I opted to try to teach them about priming and painting. My crazy thoughts? They are 11 and 12 years old and need to learn to paint at some point -- best they learn before we replace the carpets!

So, here's some pictures of the process. . . Thankfully Mom & Dad kidnapped the kids overnight for some sledding at their house and I was free to assemble to my heart's content (they'd been begging me to let them move back into their room since they'd been sleeping on Faith's floor but I told them they couldn't until the paint dried). Thankfully I had some wonderful helper elves with the assembly! It went much quicker than expected :) (Thanks Kim & Blandon!!)

Anyhoo. . . Drum roll please. . .

1.) Here's the lovely wood paneling that's driven me crazy since we moved in. . . Icky, icky! :>P


2.) Here's the boys' bed -- it's a loft bed and we'd had the intent to build another one but the boys opted to make it a bunk bed by placing the other mattress on the floor below it.

3.) I found them using one of their dressers as a toybox -- a lovely dresser that I didn't want to get ruined. . . So, that was taken out of their room in the "bedroom makeover"

4.) No storage for toys was another problem that needed to be addressed.

5.) Priming the walls
6.) The inevitable. . .
I didn't get any pictures of Elijah the Smurf because he'd already jumped into the shower.

7.) Drum roll please. . .
8.) The cleanest this room will ever look (before they ever even saw it!)

Lots of storage space under the bed! Joel built the TV stand out of the wood from the old loft bed.
LOTS of storage space for the boys!!

9.) The boys have moved in. . . :)


Very cool. ;>)

Settling

Well, in an effort to get back to my work schedule, I went to sleep about 2 hours ago. . . Took a little bit but I finally fell into a "nap-like" sleep only to wake a little bit ago to the sounds of kids playing (they were supposed to be going to sleep when I did). So, Joel hollered at the kids and I can't sleep; oftentimes restless sleep means that I need to write and so here we go. . .

I've had a long list of blogging topics to write about: The boys' room makeover, how I feel about being catholic, my creed, the our father, SQL tips, letters to my children, goals I have for myself. . . etc, etc. So, where to start?

It's 2009 and, again, life feels like a blur. How on earth did it become 2009 already? Is it just me or does it feel like life is picking up speed? Admittedly, I seem to run in two speeds: "on" and "off." Vacation for me has been "off" mode: watching movies, cleaning a little bit, catching up on email, avoiding running errands :). Tomorrow I get to turn back "on": hurrying from meeting to meeting, trying to multi-task emails and questions with some tough intellectual work (learning my cube building skills, MDX, and learning to write dynamic SQL), running errands as I'm able to fit them in, and juggling carpool, bills, and trying to keep on the kids for homework and chores. Can I just say, "I don't wanna!" (sigh) And THIS is why 2008 passes in a blur.

I'd like to be more present in the moment. This holiday's epiphany was that I need to try to learn to "settle" to find time to be present. You must be thinking, "What the heck?!?!" For me, I realize that I push myself so hard because I expect that I should have not only the downstairs picked up but my desk picked up, everything vacuumed and dusted, and clean sheets on the bed each weekend. I hate the messes and want my house spotless all the time. I tend to feel guilty and depressed that I can never achieve complete spotlessness throughout the house.

I'd like us to eat a health, pyramid-like diet and to take the dogs for walks as a family. Having family outings and bike rides; perhaps something more physically active? Camping? Hiking? I admire the families that do that. I feel bummed when my family groans at me when I suggest this or they agree to a walk and it ends up being a "death march" in the rain. It's painful and leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

I'd like to write more and have daily, long-thought-out blogs that are inspiring and where I feel like a writer again. I'd like to complete a couple of big scrapbooks a year and be one of those people who can scrapbook every day and have these bright, funky pages that are really creative and inspire me. Alas, this is not my life.

My life? Getting up at 6 a.m. to hit the snooze button and drag my butt out of bed at 6:10 a.m. When I wake up, I go to Faith's room, flip on the light, and say "Good-morning! Time to get ready for school." I stumble back to my room to stare blankly at my closet and try to figure out what to wear: Nice dress shirt, curl the hair, and slacks? OR long-sleeved t-shirt, fleece vest, slacks, and a ponytail? . . . My co-workers know what I tend to pick. (At 6:15 a.m. I don't want to get out of my sweats and so fleece is a close second for comfort.) I usually get numerous interruptions with Faith showing me her stuffed animals, saying she can't find her ____ skirt (she often has something specific in mind), or Joel hollering about throwing him down a towel for his gym bag.

Me? I have to remind Faith to get ready, ask her to pick up her nightgown off the bathroom floor, and toss Joel down a towel. I put in my contacts (if my eyes aren't feeling especially gritty: then it would be a glasses day) throw on some concealer on the circles under my eyes, some blush because I still feel like the walking dead, and some mascara to cover the blond tips on my eyelashes. As I begin to brush my hair, Faith comes in and asks if I'll do her hair too. . . Usually this is accompanied by complaints about her tangles (then I put some detangling lotion in her hair) and she tells me precisely how she'd like her hair done. Admittedly, I think, "What's the point?" By the time Faith gets home her hair will be in her eyes and a tangled mess (she plays hard). I'd prefer to put some hair gel in her hair, put it in a tight pony tail, and be done with it! (This particular hair style is one of the few that last all day with her whispy blond hair.) Alas, most days we end up with a "Faithy-specified" hairstyle. Note: At this point, I'm still not feeling particularly awake.

Somehow, through the chaos of finding shoes (that were put away when I went to bed last night but that Faith has somehow lost in the past 5 minutes), getting back-packs and school snacks packed, and picking out a coat -- we're always running late . . . Or, at least, later than I'd like. The boys have been good enough to get themselves up and get ready; they're often watching TV as I leave and I feel guilty that I've barely acknowledged them (sigh). On the way into school it's Faithy's choice for music . . . As I run through the list of today's to-do's in my head she's asking me to put on something specific: I kick myself for not planning ahead because now I'm fumbling with my iphone's ipod player to try to find the song she's looking for -- I'm a terrible hazard while driving and I know this. I should really pull over and get it all set-up, but, again, we're late. Finding the song, she settles, comments on the moon, the sunrise, the fog, everything on the side of the road: Have I mentioned that Faith is a morning person?

We finally arrive at her school about 30 minutes later, I wait for Faith to re-dress herself in the car because somehow, during that 30 minute drive, she's unpacked her backpack, kicked off her shoes, and needs to put her coat back on. By the time we get into the school (the kid-packed gymnasium where she needs to be dropped off with her teacher), we're barely making it there in time before the bell rings (it often rings as we're walking through the door). When I drop her off, I hope to give her a big hug, kiss, and tell her to have a great day; what I get is "one more hug", me bending down to hug her, her starting to lift her legs (she weighs 80 lbs and is trying to hang from my neck), and me threatening to spank her butt if she does that again! She begs me to come to school with her for the day but I tell her that I have meetings (staying at school all day is something that I need to arrange ahead of time). By this point in the morning, I'm feeling pretty guilty as a parent and that things haven't started off smoothly.

However, I heave a sigh of relief as I jump back into the car (alone!) and head off to work. It's quiet. This is good. . . . But, the to-do list for the day is already running in my head and so I'm feeling behind even though I'm not yet late. (Admittedly, I'd prefer to get to work early, before everyone else has arrived and respond to email and wake-up more slowly. . . Pre-JC move and when I was working at the State and Joel had kid morning duty, I liked to arrive at work about 7:15 in the morning. . . It was awesome!) So, I hurry into work and begin my day. Mondays and Fridays have the least meetings and so I tend to walk a little slower into the building on those days. I feel guilty that I don't feel as productive, but, it's nice to take a minute or two. I respond to emails, chat with co-workers, try to solve the latest issues and problems, take a walk with friends, and try to squeeze in breakfast and lunch.

Usually at 3:30 I've finished my latest task but am trying to be aware of the time because I'll need to leave to pick up Faith in about an hour. . . That's always the hard point because it's a question of: Do I get involved with another project (where I tend to lose track of time) or try to do the "extra" work like entering my hours or filling out my expense reports, etc.? Depends on the day as to which I do. The "busy" days (Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays) can tend to feel like a marathon depending on the number of meetings. . . I need to talk to my cohort in Bellingham and I have a ton of questions or thoughts to share, but, at the same time, I don't want to start a call because then I'm not able to multi-task as well. Sick and wrong. So, there's a bit of an internal debate there. There are days where it's difficult to find time to go to the bathroom, let alone eat! I really think that meetings need to be scheduled with a 5 or 10 minute break between them! Having a 9 to 10 then 10 to 11:30 then 1 to 2, etc. meeting is really difficult! (sigh . . . And so it goes. . . )

I scramble out of work because I realize that I'm past when I needed to leave to get Faith -- it's a double-edged sword: I don't want to start packing up before it's time to leave because I'd like to get as much work done as possible, but when I wait I tend to lose track of time. :>P At Faith's school, I head in to pick her up in the cafeteria at her after-school program; usually Faith doesn't want to leave and she wants me to 'wait a minute'. Admittedly, I feel rushed because I either need to go to the bathroom because I had afternoon meetings, or I know that we have errands to run on the way home. I try to be present when she wants to show me her latest artwork. I ask her how her day was when we jump in the car and she says, "fine" as she grabs bear,bear and puts her fingers in her mouth. . . She's tired now. Some days she's cranky and wants to go somewhere before going home. Many days she's ready to nap. Thankfully, it's my choice for music on the way home and so I just click anything on.

The way home can involve a trip to Target for Comet, Drano, shoe laces, or whatever else is needed. It may involve stopping by Jerry's for a hose connector for the broken kitchen sink hose. It may involve stopping somewhere because I received a call that says, "Can you stop somewhere for food? We don't have anything to eat." . . . After work I'm tired and I dread those calls. I am a morning person and, when I leave work I think of all the things I should do when I get home and by the time I get home I'm pooped!

At home, I get asked what's for dinner first thing when I walk in the door. If it's Monday or Thursday I say, "Ask your father" . . . If it's Tuesday or Wednesday it's my night -- on a rare occassion I have thought ahead and thrown something in the crock-pot in the morning. Most times it's a scramble to figure out something quick and easy (again, I'm tired). Somehow the night flies by and it isn't until after the kids are in bed and asleep (9:30 ish) that I heave a sigh and sit down to check email or whatever. . . I channel surf and try to sleep by 10 p.m.

So, when I say "settle" -- at 10 p.m. I need to not be so hard on myself. My goals for myself? Throughout the day I'd like to be more present and turn off that running "to do" list . . . Perhaps I need to shorten it? Maybe my to-do's need to include days without chores and laundry and dishes. I need to not tell myself I'm constantly running late and how I should be writing or scrapbooking or taking the dogs for a walk with the kids. I need to accept where I am at the moment and appreciate when we get out for a walk -- it doesn't have to be daily. I'm working on having a different attitude. Know what I mean? And, as I work on this different attitude, I need to recognize to be gentle with myself . . . not so hard on myself.

So, here it is, 11:16 p.m. (an hour later) and Joel's just come to bed and is drumming his fingers as he waits for me to turn off my computer. (sigh) I will try to lower my standards for myself and to really stop and appreciate the gifts in my life: Special time with Faith each morning, a job that keeps me busy and satisfied, and a family that wants to spend time with me. These are good things. . . The rest. . . The rest I'll try to take in stride :>).

Current Playlist

I tend to think that my current playlist reflects a little bit about the mood I've been in lately and what's going on in my life. . . Am I reflective? Do I need more energy? Do some of my favorites stay my favorites? Or has my taste changed?

For that reason, I like to periodically post my latest playlists (Top 25 off of my itunes). Here's today's:

i-tunes top 25 most played songs:
1.) Waiting for My Real Life to Begin by Colin Hay
2.) Eyes by Rogue Wave
3.) Breathe (2 a.m.) by Anna Nalick
4.) Girlfriend (Featuring Lil' Mama) by Avril Lavigne
5.) Because of you by Kelly Clarkson
6.) All We Are by Matt Nathanson
7.) Moments by Emerson Drive
8.) How to Save a Life by The Fray
9.) Tiki, Tiki Room (Hillary Duff) - Faith's new favorite
10.) One More Day by Diamond Rio
11.) Far Away by Nickelback
12.) So What by P!nk
13.) Boondocks by Little Big Town
14.) Someday by Nickelback
15.) Jesus Walks by Kanye West
16.) Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn
17.) Creep by Radiohead
18.) In Too Deep by Sum 41
19.) Angel Main Theme (Sanctuary) by Darling Violetta
20.) Breakfast at Tiffany's by Deep Blue Something
21.) Save Me by Remy Zero
22.) Black Balloon by Goo Goo Dolls
23.) Me vs. the World by Halo Friendlies
24.) You Belong to Me by Jason Wade
25.) I Do by Jude

- as of 1/4/2009 (while I continue to wait for my computer to defrag)

My playlist this week reflects some of Faith's favorites too: We listen to my iphone (itunes) on the carpool drive back and forth to school. . . Lately she's wanted to hear Hilary Duff's "Tiki, Tiki Room" over and over again! When the song finishes, she says, "Can you play it again?" Hence, it's been bumped up the playlist. "Save me" and "Girlfriend" remain two of her favorites, and, truthfully, I much prefer this music over the Barbie Princesses Sing.

As for energy this Christmas season, a couple songs didn't make the list but are working their way up (after getting re-hooked on them playing "Guitar Hero World Tour" with the kids). Included are: "The Middle" by Jimmy Eats World, "The Joker" by Steve Miller Band, and "Story of My Life" by Social Distortion. . . Very cool!

Throw in there the late night's wrapping presents and my mellow music that's a bit reflective: Waiting for My Real Life to Begin, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Eyes, You Belong to Me, I Do, etc. and that's how we get the playlist.

Just thought that I'd share :>)

Christmas 2008 . . . Wow!

Well Christmas 2008 has come and gone. . . It was a whirlwind!! (Enough of a whirlwind that I haven't blogged all month!) What have we been up to?

The first weekend of December kicks off the holiday season with the Priddy Family Christmas Party up in the Salem area . . . 16 kids, multiple families, and lots of fun!! Alas, my camera's batteries died before any pictures were taken; I'm thinking it was left on in the camera bag. Ahh well. Next came decorating the tree, wrestling matches for Elijah, school, taking the kids up to see "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" in Salem, enjoying Mom's Sweet Adeline's Christmas show, Christmas shopping, work, Faith getting sick, a week out of school for snow (the week before Christmas), Christmas Eve, Christmas, and then we had the Wasko Family Christmas Party yesterday. . . . with today spent taking the kids shopping with their Christmas gift cards. Whew!

Oh, and did I mention that the boys and I painted their bedroom and then I gave them a surprise Christmas present by having Mom & Dad take all the kids overnight (thank you so much!!) for me and my pals (Thank you Kim & Blandon!!) to assemble their new beds and bookcases. Joel threw together a TV stand and the boys were delighted with the new room.

Needless to say, all I want to do for the next couple of days is a whole lotta nadda! I'm pooped!! Fortunately Joel & I are off work until the 5th and so we have some time to unwind. (NOTE: Faith just snuck into my room 20 minutes after being told to go to bed, gave me a kiss, and told me I'm the "bestest mom ever". . . Now I hear the boys hollering "go to bed Faith!" . . . always something!) My plans? Reading a good book, scrapbooking, cleaning up our room. . . And, possibly (no promises here!): Blogging ;>)

My take-away from this holiday season? I'm very thankful for my many blessings and the joy of the Christmas season. I'm thankful that I really feel God's presence. And, next year I'd like to push myself to make the effort to put together an advent wreath. . . That's something we did when I was little and I think that it really helps me build up the anticipation for Christmas and prepare my heart to celebrate the gift of love that God's given me. There's something about lighting the purple candles each night for about 15 minutes, singing "Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel" or "Oh Come All Ye Faithful" and saying a prayer of preparation while looking forward to lighting that pink candle that signifies that Christmas is almost here. . . That's something that I need to do next year so that I force myself to slow down on a daily basis and appreciate the season of Christmas. As is, I love this season and the joy of it all! I am busy by choice: I choose to try to experience all the season has to offer. Alas, I can't fit it ALL in (no sledding, caroling, I'd love to host a Christmas party, and the children's Christmas show is delayed until January) - but I'm very grateful for all the fun we've had!

Here's a few pictures for you to see what we've been up to. . . . Merry Christmas and much love!!

My lovely children after attending "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" at the Pentacle Theater.

Decorating the Christmas tree

Brothers :>)

Daddy's Girl"The stockings were hung. . . "

Christmas Eve mass . . . Alas, the other pictures taken were blurry (bummer!) ;>)

Cheese!

Can you roll your tongue? I can't.

Grandma Sherry (mom) made Faith a very special Christmas dress :)

That's my boy!!

Guitar Hero World Tour was a big hit at our house!! We even got Mom & Dad (Grandpa and Grandma) into the gig. LOTS of fun!

Elijah is a "expert"-level on the guitar!

Joel's got "expert" on a couple songs . . . He and Elijah like to compete but Elijah tends to beat him ;>)Faith's a beginner. . .
I really like that Guitar Hero now has the beginner level -- it means that Faith can participate on the drums and guitar. She's doing pretty good at keeping the beat :>)

I can do the "easy"-level but it takes a lot of concentration!

Merry Christmas Mom!!

Dad is infamous for his wrapping presents in duct tape (oh the joy to unwrap the gift wrap to find a box with layers and layers of duct tape and newspaper). . . So this year I returned the favor. . . This is layer 1.

Here's layer 2.

Mom is a duck fan about to attend the Sun Bowl (leaving at 3 AM tomorrow) to receive an award on Grandpa's behalf -- so for Christmas she received a pair of "Beaver" earrings I made at my friend Barb's Christmas party. Mom said that's much better than the Beaver T-shirts (which tend to give her duck loving body a rash). . . What a goob!

Many thanks. . . The boys are HUGE lego fans and Isaac is thanking Elijah for the new Bionicle.

Some of the stocking treats on Christmas morning.

Our joyful Christmas tree . . . LOVE Christmas!

This was the kids today: This is how I see them all the time -- Elijah not quite paying attention, Isaac screwing around, and Faith being silly. Ahhh, love these kids!

Merry Christmas!!