What I want to get out of blogging

Okay, I've sorely neglected this post -- perhaps it's because now that my trips are over, I am questioning the purpose, content, and audience of this blog. I realize that my internal workings and thoughts are all mumble-jumble in my head and so writing would be a good way to work them out. Perhaps I need to write for me. And, having tracked occupational fatalities for 6 years, I have this morbid sense of urgency that pushes me to want to document my life and thoughts for my children "in case something happens."

So. . .

Audience? Myself, my children, and anyone else who is interested in listening and learning. (Yes, I realize that employers can google me and find this page and it could make an impression on them; alas, I am willing to "risk it" ;>) )

Purpose? To work out my thoughts, to encourage my writing, and, most importantly, for my kids to know me better.

Goals? To try to write daily . . . Even if it's just a sentence saying "I'm tired." I give myself permission to be brief AND I give myself permission to write that novel length blog that my friends tease me about (all my life I've been told that I could write a book because I write a ton). I will try not to hold back just because social norms suggest that I should keep it brief.

Goal? To be truthful. . . not necessarily an insightful political speaker or someone with the parenting advice for the nation or some clever humorist. My goal is to be true to myself. I struggle with my "public persona" of happiness and positive attitude. . . I'm not naive, I've had my difficulties, I've been suicidal AND I've learned that I need to choose to look on the bright-side and try to be positive -- to avoid the trap of negative thinking. Hmmm. . . But, truth-be-told, my sometimes-struggle to be positive gets me identifying with that Smokey Robinson song "Tears of Clown." I know that to show my truest self with all my flaws and thoughts means to be vulnerable and to trust others not to use them against me. . . . Helluva deal. So, I will try to write it all.

For anyone out there reading this, I encourage postings and comments -- I'd love to know if it's just me in this wacky world or if others can identify. Anyhoo. . . It's past 10 PM and another rule I have for myself is to be laying quietly and settling down for bed by 10 PM on a work night ;>)

And so. . . goodnight.