Final Road Trip with Grandpa

I've been overdue to blog about this one. . . As many of you know, my grandpa Evans died at the end of April after a long battle with Alzheimer's (cancer, broken bones, heart issues, etc. etc.). He'd lived in Spokane, WA since his retirement nearly 30 years ago but moved down to Salem, OR last year to be in a nursing home closer to Mom & Dad's. Well, during one of his more lucid talks with Dad, he'd said that he wanted to be buried back up in Spokane. Somehow it was decided that Dad would drive him back up there. . . Dad also said that he felt like it would be impersonal to have a stranger transport him all that way.

However, it still took us all by surprise when, after Grandpa died, Dad said that he wanted to drive Grandpa back to Spokane. . . in the pickup truck. (Dude!) Me? I didn't want them to go through that alone, and I felt like since work was gracious enough to give me bereavement leave, then I would make the road trip with them. As a fun surprise, Mom also included her sister Suzy and my cousin Amy in the plans! This being the case, rather than cram into the pickup truck, I followed along in our Jeep: we had 3 in the Jeep and 2 in the truck at any given point in time. Here we are as we were heading out (alas, I am taking the picture and am not included):


So, schedule of events?

- Sunday night Mom called me upset and said that it had been a rough day with Grandpa

- Monday, I had a nagging feeling that I needed to make it up to see them. I left work early Monday and headed up to Salem, I stopped to see Grandpa at the nursing home and he wasn't "there" -- I held his hand as he dozed off and on, but it was the first time that he didn't recognize me. When I got up to throw a cup away, he got upset and angry with me, telling me to stay out of his stuff! I held his hand again, and he dozed. Later, I was telling him about my kids and how Faith looks a lot like my mom and he said, "that Sherry is a good girl." :>) As I went to leave, he told me to "be nice to Mama! Nobody messes with MY mama!" hmm. . . I then went to Mom & Dad's for the rest of the afternoon and evening and I had a really good visit. Dad got to talk a bunch (about everything under the sun and especially his concern for Mom) and I got plenty of the hugs that I was needing.

- Grandpa died early Friday morning, I went to work (in shock) but broke into tears when, after forwarding Mom's email announcement to my work team, my supervisor called and asked me with all genuineness "How are you doing?" Needless to say, I was sent home.

- Saturday the kids & I headed up to Salem (from the Eugene area) to see Mom & Dad,

- Sunday I took the kids home and then headed back to Mom & Dad's

- Monday included cleaning, getting the program for the memorial service finished, and a run to Costco for trays of food

- Tuesday was the memorial service in the evening with family and GREAT visiting during the day :>)

- Wednesday we spent a wonderful morning visiting with Grandpa's surviving sibling: Mom's Uncle James, and Aunt Bunny (James' wife), Aunt Margie (Grandpa's brother Keith's wife), and David (James' son). . . We spent time talking and looking through some of Grandpa's old pictures -- the senior members of the family were WONDERFUL in helping us identify who people were in the pictures and so we took the opportunity to get out a pencil and label the backs :>) The crew of visitors left in the early afternoon and our roadtrip began about 3:00 P.M. (Holy smokes!)

We drove to Tri-Cities just across into Washington and spent the night at a hotel. You can imagine our humor about having a coffin hanging out the back end of the pickup (we were all tempted to stop and take a picture at the "Coffin Road" exit). On the roadtrip, I was blessed to get to have some time to talk and get to know my Aunt Suzy and cousin Amy much better. . . that was very special time for me :>) And, then there were the humorous moments like when we were listening to Brooks & Dunn's song "Believe" and one of the lines is "it all ends with a long ride in a hearse" and my cousin Amy pipes up "or a pickup truck!"

Dad was always mindful of the precious cargo we were carrying: driving UNDER the speed limit, backing the truck/coffin back against a fence and bushes to prevent someone from taking it, and just being an all-around good sport. Granted, other road trip memories included me trying to keep Dad awake while driving Wednesday night and when I was telling him about how Elijah has been doing in school, Dad made a comment that "he'll be doing better when he's up in Seattle" --!?!?! Okay, so Dad wasn't really awake while driving! When I asked him what the heck he was talking about, he kinda shook himself awake and said he didn't know. . . . Then again, in the course of the conversation Dad started talking gibberish again and so we opted to pull over around the next pit stop (thank goodness!). I almost had to start asking Dad about politics just to wake him up: Thankfully I was spared that last resort! ;>)

Needless to say, when we finally got settled into the hotel room late Wednesday night, everything was feeling a bit surreal and we were all in a quirky mood. . . . Joking about how we can check "transport dead body" off our "bucket list" :>) Or how that could be quite a conversation starter (wouldn't it be wonderful to carry a camera around and tell everyone we meet about how we're transporting a dead body. . . NOTE: For me, Grandpa was gone and this was just a body.). Amy & I kicked ourselves for not posting a sign on the back of the pickup with something like "Cemetery or bust!" or "Yes, this is a coffin! Back up!" But, what else do you expect when this is what you see for a few hundred miles?


If Dad were rear-ended would the insurance cover the coffin damage? How does that work? . . . . Don't follow too closely!

I mean, utter confession includes joking about what Grandpa would've thought of the potholes and our curiosity about whether or not his body was shifting in the coffin (yes, Mom, Suzy, and Amy checked at the cemetery and, no, he did not shift -- surprising!). Dear Lord! It was surreal.

We slept and then headed out for the rest of the ride to Spokane Thursday morning. . . . Can I tell you: the trip felt like it was blessed by God -- rainbows as we headed east out of Portland, sunshine followed us along the way, and we had safe travels. We stopped at Sprague Lake just south of Spokane -- this was one of Grandpa's favorite fishing holes and it seemed appropriate to stop and remember him. Here's a couple of pictures:



Afterwards, we made it to Spokane, checked into the hotel, and then headed to the cemetery where we had the burial service with Grandpa's wife, Ann's family and some of the friends up there. There was a big sense of relief at finally making it there (and a touch of humor in the fact that the song playing on the radio as we turned the final block was "Prop me up beside the Jukebox when I die" . . . Seemed meant to be). We were able to take a deep breath and cry. . .


. . . Later we went out for Margaritas and the best Mexican food ever!

There are other things that I can write about too: like the hurt I felt when Ann's family mentioned how much he'd been a part of their lives and seeing his Christmas cards when Grandpa hadn't been around for me AND the memories of Grandpa's laugh and how he had a sweet tooth and how, when I did see him, I felt loved and special. It's complicated. . . . but isn't that the nature of life and relationships?

Friday morning Amy & Suzy flew out at oh-my-goodness early in the morning and later we headed out towards home. Mom & Dad headed to Jim & Beth's in Lake Oswego and I headed to their house in Stayton to meet up with Joel and the kids. The kids & I bonded at the Stayton movie theater as we watched "Iron Man" :>) (Faith slept.) Joel was away at a motorcycle gig.

We spent Friday night there and headed up to Sarah's pinning ceremony for her nursing degree (at University of Portland) on Saturday morning. Afterwards was a lovely reception and party, and then our family headed over to our hotel for our family time. . . Long overdue!

Sunday we slept in and then headed up to Vancouver to drop the kids off at Cece and Scott's house so they could play and Joel and I headed to Sarah's graduation. . . . eventually, we made it back home to our house at nearly 7 PM and I crashed!! I was soooo tired!

It was a long week with many blessings (including Sarah's graduation). As for the road trip: I'm glad that I went. . . It was important to me to be there to hug and laugh and help. . . . and, I needed the closure and to say "good-bye." And, hell, now I can add "transport dead body" onto my list of lifetime accomplishments (wonder how that would look on a resume?).

Praise God for these surreal moments :>)